Chennai Citizens Bank, represented by famous local Anglo-Indian lawyer John Swift, testified first. Ms. Gopalakrishna, loan administrator, was adamant that the goat was indeed D.K. Laliput in reincarnated form. “I went to attend Mr. Laliput’s funeral,” she began, “To pay my respects and to also ensure that he was completely deceased. As I was watching the cremation, I looked over to where people had left their slippers and saw a goat with a remarkable resemblance to Mr. Laliput.”
Gopalakrishna went on to describe the likeness. “The goat had orange hair, Mr. Laliput was fond of henna. The goat had a large spot below its nose, just where Mr. Laliput had a large growth. The goat shat in pair of Reebok sneakers just like Mr. Laliput wore day in and day out, even when swimming. Finally, the goat was born with only one testicle as everyone knows Mr. Laliput was as well.”
The alleged Mr. D. K. Laliput then took the stand with the assistance of an animal handler from the local zoo.
Attorney John Swift began with an examination. “Mr. D.K. Laliput, is it true that you have failed to repay the loan Chennai Citizens Bank so generously gave you?”
Mr. D.K. Laliput stared intently at the microphone in front of him, snorted, and, in an act of supreme defiance, began to eat it. Judge Thackery, presiding over the case, cried out “ORDER IN THIS COURT!” and demanded that the belligerent D. K. Laliput answer all questions addressed to him or risk being thrown in jail.
“This is civilized court room, Mr. Laliput!” Honorable Thackery warned, “Show some respect!”
Attorney Swift went on to present evidence of fraud committed by Mr. D. K. Laliput, who allegedly used the loan money not to purchase new computers for his Mischief Café, but instead to start up a business constructing effigies of Indian cricket players out of spoiled meats (demand for effigies has soared due to recent losses to Nepal).
After only three minutes of deliberation, Judge Thackery reached a verdict.
“I have never witnessed such insolence in a court of law, Mr. Laliput!,” the Judge began, “Based on the evidence presented, I have no doubt that your smug grin is that of D.K. Laliput, reborn as a common goat. Clearly, you are being punished for your past transgressions and now, you are being given an opportunity to clear you conscience. I find for the plaintiff, Chennai Citizens Bank.”
Payment of the loan will recommence immediately. D.K. Laliput will be permitted to repay the loan in tin cans, pieces of used rubber, and old soda bottles.