Republicans going door-to-door in their communities, building support for the Bush campaign, should use this rough outline to guide their conversations.
Knock on door. Wait for answer.
Hello! My name is (your name here). Do you want you and your family to die in a terrorist’s fiery blaze of death?
If person answers NO:
Then you need to vote for President Bush in this very important presidential election.
If person answers YES or MAYBE:
Well, may I ask why that is?
Listen to explanation, AFFIRM their explanation, and then RESPOND:
Yes, I do understand what you are saying but did you know that John Kerry stated that he does not care if you or your loved ones are destroyed in a deathly blaze of terrorism? What do you think about that?
Listen to explanation, AFFIRM their explanation, and FIND THEIR ISSUE:
Yes, I do understand what you are saying but if you could not die in any type of terrorist attack, such as a bombing, hijacking, chemical attack, and so on, what type of terrorist attack would you most like to not die in?
AGITATE, then ASSESS COMMITMENT:
Many people in your community also said that they would not like to die in ___________ type of terrorist attack and they are coming together to make sure that their concerns are addressed. One of the ways they are doing this is by supporting President Bush in the upcoming election.
Can we count on you to vote for President Bush in this election?
If YES:
Great, here is a Bush/Cheney 2004 banner to put across your garage. Thank you for your support.
If NO, RE-AGITATE by reconnecting to their ISSUE, then RE-ASSESS COMMITMENT:
If you do not want you and your loved ones to die in __________ type of terrorist attack, then how else are you all going to not die in it unless you support a candidate who is against you and your loved ones dying in a terrorist’s fiery blaze of death? So, can President Bush count on your support in this election?
If YES:
Thank you! Here is a Bush/Cheney 2004 sweatshirt for your cute ____________ (dog, child, niece, grandson, etc).
If NO:
Do your loved ones and neighbors know that you do not care if they are destroyed by a terrorist? Do they? Maybe we should tell them.
Get on MEGAPHONE:
EXCUSE ME! VARIOUS LOVED ONES AND NEIGHBORS OF ____________(name of resident), DID YOU KNOW THAT __________ (name of resident) DOES NOT CARE IF YOU ARE BLOWN TO PIECES IN A TERRORIST ATTACK? YES! IT’S TRUE , HE/SHE JUST TOLD ME RIGHT NOW! OH MY GOSH! AND HE/SHE JUST CONFESSED TO ME THAT HE/SHE IS GAY AND WANTS TO RUN OFF TO SAN FRANCISCO AND MARRY HIS/HER HIGH SCHOOL GYM TEACHER! IT’S TOTALLY TRUE! WHAT? OH MY GOODNESS! NOW HE/SHE JUST DEMANDED THAT EVERY PREGNANT WOMAN IN AMERICA ABORT THEIR FETUSES SO THAT HE/SHE CAN PERFORM STEM CELL RESEARCH SO THAT HE/SHE CAN HEAL THE SICK AND, I QUOTE, “HOLD SOCIETY IN THE PALM OF HIS/HER HAND LIKE GOD.” OH HELP ME! NOW HE/SHE HAS JUST FIRED A LOCAL COMMUNITY GARDENER FROM TENDING TO HIS/HER LAWN AND HAS HIRED AN ILLEGAL IMMIGRANT TO MOW HER GRASS FOR HALF THE PRICE (AND HALF THE QUALITY OF WORK, MAY I ADD). WHAT IS GOING ON HERE AT THE RESIDENCE OF _______________(name of resident), LOCATED AT _________________ (their address)?
Get off megaphone:
For the sake of your neighbors and loved ones, will you support President Bush in this election?
If YES:
I thought you weren’t gay! Enjoy this Bush/Cheney 2004 six-pack of Coors Light.
If still NO:
Well, thank you for your time and if you do not support President Bush, please consider voting for Ralph Nader. Have a good day!
