White House Instant Messages

Crawdaddy69: hey ya’ll

Crawdaddy69: anyone there?

HALLI-tosis: what up, big dog?

Rice-a-Roni has signed on

Rice-a-Roni: Hello, sir

LilRummerBoy has signed on

LilRummerBoy: you KNOW!

Crawdaddy69: nothing much over here. . .i’ve been watching the news, though. Man, this war on terror is slicker than a buttery jack-rabbit

HALLI-tosis: You said it, sir

Rice-A-Roni: Excellent use of figurative language, Mr. President

IluvPotter has signed on

Crawdaddy69: well, lookie here, if it isn’t the Lord of the Rings himself. hey karl- how’s it going?

IluvPotter: GREAT! I just saw Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban yesterday. Absolutely amazing!

Crawdaddy69: harry potter 3, eh? Did you go with the dungeons and dragons club? LOL!

LilRummerBoy: good one! HA!

Crawdaddy69: just kiddin, my man. so what do you think about this war, Rove?

IluvPotter: It is as simple as the battle between good and evil for Middle Earth in LOTR.

HALLI-tosis: shit! here we go again. . .

IluvPotter: It’s like we are the Fellowship of the Ring and the terrorists are the Dark Lord and his empire.

Crawdaddy69: ok, ok, OK! We get it. Seriously. Enough of this nerd business. now, everyone, I’m glad we are talkin in the internet right now because I’m havin a bit of a problem—last week at the cabinet meeting, I was assigned to think of some campaign slogans for the election but I am stumped! Y’all have any ideas?

LilRummerBoy: I got one- How about “What war? Oh, THAT war. Bush/Cheney 2004”

Rice-A-Roni: LOL! How about this? “Let’s finish what we started. Cold War 2004”

LilRummerBoy: even better

HALLI-tosis: Well, I don’t mean to be rude, Mr. President, but are you sure you don’t want to try and do this assignment on your own, sir? The challenge might be good for your development as an individual.

Crawdaddy69: my development

HALLI-tosis: yes, sir

Crawdaddy69: as an individual

HALLI-tosis: well. . . yes, sir

Crawdaddy69: Cheney, let me tell you something- although I do support individualism for the needy, I’m a big big fan of team work. Team work got me through college. Now, we are a team, right?

HALLI-tosis: of course

Rice-A-Roni: Absolutely.

LilRummerBoy: sure thing

Crawdaddy69: Then, as I used to say when I was president of the Texas Cattle Ranchers Team, “There is no I in TEAM. . .but there is MEAT.” LOL!

Rice-A-Roni: Excellent point, sir.

LilRummerBoy: damn good one, Mr. Prez

Crawdaddy69: HEY! That reminds, me. . . you know that BBQ at your house last week, rum?

LilRummerBoy: yeah

Crawdaddy69: it got me thinking

LilRummerBoy: yes, sir

Crawdaddy69: How does McDonalds make that McRib sandwich without any ribs in it?

LilRummerBoy: excuse me?

Crawdaddy69: I mean, it definitely looks like a rib but it doesn’t have any bones in it. Amazing! Can you do that? Get ribs with no rib bones in it?

LilRummerBoy: I don’t really know

Crawdaddy69: maybe those McDonald’s scientists can genetically alter a pig so that it has no ribs at all

Rice-A-Roni: Well, that would leave the pig quite vulnerable, sir, like a country without a missile system. Any slight touch would rupture it’s internal organs.

Crawdaddy69: but I’m not talking about the McLung, I’m talking about the McRIB, lady!

IluvPotter: Can we get back on track, here? I want to finish this up so I can re-read Harry Potter 3 tonight.

Crawdaddy69: right, right- campaign slogans. sorry karl, I always have trouble payin attention around dinner time- LOL. Now, Rice and Rummy, these slogans are good but I don’t think they really capture what we are all about, you know? Family stuff, Americaness, Individualization, Kickin Everyone’s Ass- these sorts of things.

LilRummerBoy: Alright, how about: “If you don’t want terrorists to kill you and everybody you know in a fiery blaze of death, then vote Bush/Cheney 2004.”

Crawdaddy69: Not bad

HALLI-tosis: I got one. “America is about tolerance and if gay people did not exist, we would all be a much more tolerant country. Bush/Cheney 2004.”

Crawdaddy69: you really hit it home there

Crawdaddy69: nerd-boy, you got anything you wanna add?

IluvPotter: yes, I do. “Go Where No Man Has Gone Before. Bush/Cheney 2004.” I was inspired after watching the Star Trek: The Next Generation marathon on TBS last weekend.

Crawdaddy69: THAT’S IT! That is great! positive and forward lookin, yet really vague and unspecific- and we are takin this country places it has never been. Perfect! Karl Rove the geek-meister does it again! Hits it right outta the ballpark. I love team work!

Rice-A-Roni: Great work, Karl!

LilRummerBoy: yeah, that’s good.

CPowell46 has signed on

CPowell46: Hey, everyone! I just got back from talking with the UN about Iraq. What are you all discussing?

Crawdaddy69 has signed off

HALLI-tosis has signed off

Rice-A-Roni has signed off

LilRummerBoy has signed off

IluvPotter has signed off

CPowell46: Hello?