Dr. John Evergreen and Dr. Sato Takahashi, the NASA scientists who conducted the study, presented their research to a room full of America’s foremost physicists, chemists, and rocket scientists. “Well,“ began Dr. Takahashi, “aft
er careful study of changes in the distribution of God’s Blessings over the last 200 years, we have found that God’s Blessings are being given out in a manner that contradicts everything we know about how the universe operates.”The laws of thermodynamics clearly state that first, energy can not be created or destroyed and second, that energy can never pass spontaneously from a system with less energy to a system with more energy, also known as entropy.
But graphs tracking the global movement of God’s Blessings show that over the past two centuries, even though it has always had the greatest amount of God’s Blessings, the United States has experienced a continual spontaneous increase in its amount of God’s Blessings. The United States should be losing God‘s Blessings to nations that do not have as much of God‘s Blessings, moving towards an equilibrium. But this is not the case. “The United States has always had more of God’s Blessings than any other nation-state and this disparity is continuing to grow, contrary to the laws of thermodynamics,” claimed Dr. Evergreen.
Even more startling is the discovery that ever since the United States of America was formed in 1776, the amount of God’s Blessings in the universe increased by 300%, suggesting that God’s Blessings were created out of seemingly thin air.
When asked the cause of this seemingly unnatural distribution of the well-wishes of God, Dr. Evergreen said, “After years of study, we've concluded that either the laws of thermodynamics are seriously flawed or God just REALLY likes America. Scientifically speaking, I probably would vote for the latter. “
According to the NASA scientists, the potential consequences of such an immensely unequal distribution of God’s Blessings are serious and should be of great concern to the American people. India, a country with a population three times larger than the United States, has about 1/192 of the amount of God’s Blessings in the United States and frankly, it shows. “The streets are filled with the poor and homeless, diseases are rampant, communal violence is destroying communities, and they still use dial up modems,” listed Dr. Evergreen. They also argued that the rise in terrorism is a result of uneven distribution of God’s Blessings. “I mean, if the goal here is world peace and happiness, then we might want to do something about this,” said the doctor.
In order to push the world towards a global equilibrium of God’s Blessings,
there are many simple actions the American people can take immediately. Dr. Takahashi suggested that Americans remove all “God Bless America” bumper stickers, lawn signs, and banners from their property. In addition, he recommended that people commit petty crimes, quarrel with family members, and have affairs with their neighbors’ spouses. “We need to do everything we can to stop God from further blessing the United States,” cried out Dr. Takahashi.However hopeful, the scientists did consider the possibility that this strategy to reach a God’ Blessings equilibrium might not be successful. “Let’s face it, though,” conceded Dr. Evergreen,” sometimes God just can’t resist blessing us. We do have such great hygiene.”
